The ever growing list of questions
During the first year of my PhD, I kept a journal - that is now retired - and within that journal was a compilation of my curiosities. I have wondered been the kind of person to have conversations inside my head, with whats going on in the real time. For example, sitting at a coffee shop, wondering who the person my neighbouring coffee table is meeting. I started to write down a list of questions that I could ask strangers, first encounters, or people who check your groceries out at the store.
There is a real lack of deep questions that are being asked - almost like people are too scared to ask, and too scared to find out. I started asking myself these questions, but I stopped - because even they made me uncomfortable to answer, out loud, to myself in the shower, or in my own room. I started my journal to reflect on my thoughts - and to answer these questions on paper.
Writing the questions down reflected periods of my life throughout the first year of my PhD - in a new place, meeting new people, coming to conclusions, ending friendships or relationships, experiencing different adventures and weather systems. At the same time all these experiences were happening, I was beginning to formulate my own research questions. I broadly knew what I was interested in, but sticking to one question, but four-five years, felt like a daunting task. I never quite realized that I was a perfectionist until my supervisor brought it up to me. I had to learn to let that go, and even writing it out, feels like I am exposing a part of me that I still haven't quite let go.
I think that journal represented a space of curiosity and complexity. I have since matured from those experiences and thoughts. Instead of following the change I was experiencing, I have now settled into the change that I am now living. Here are a list of those questions, in no particular order, or category, for you to read, mull over, and inspire you to answer, or write down new ones for yourself.
What are your expectations of yourself?
What are your expectations of other people?
What did you like/not like about your last relationship?
How do you define privacy?
What is one piece of advice you would give to your past self?
What are your non-negotiables?
How do you define emotional vulnerability?
When do you feel most overwhelmed?
What are you leaving behind in the New Year?
What are you bringing into the New Year?
What is the difference between emotional vs. physical intimacy?
When you see something special (rainbow, shooting star, sunrise, etc.), what do you think of?
What has rain changed for you?
How do you feel when you disappoint someone?
What kind of pressure do you put on yourself?
What does it feel like when you push yourself?
Are there times where you get in your head more than others?
How do you feel at the top of a mountain?
How do you feel at the bottom of the ocean?
Who is someone you miss?
Where do you mentally go when you miss someone?
What parts of people do you miss?
How do you like to be taken care of?
What are your thoughts on monogamy vs. non-monogamy
What are you passionate about?
What are your passions?
What does self-care look like?
How do you ask for help?
Do you act before you think, or think before you act?
Do you interrogate your negative emotions?
Where does health/wellbeing sit on your priority list?
What sits at the top of your priority list, and what sits at the bottom?
How do you like to celebrate small wins?
How do you like to celebrate big accomplishments?
What does it mean to be accomplished?
Do you have a hard time letting go?
Do you think things will leave on its own?
What are you still learning?
What is self?
What is self-loss?
What does it feel like to be restricted?
Do you manifest certain things?
How do you resolve a problem?
What makes you think?
What do you find about your yourself when you look in the mirror?
What makes your heart warm?
What does becoming yourself look like?
If you could draw/illustrate the emotions you feel at your highs/lows, what would they look like?
How do you perceive yourself?
What traits do you immediately look for in others?
If you were stuck in a house on fire, and could only grab three things, what would they be?
What is your ideal form of communication?
What are your love languages?
How do you like to receive love?
How do you like to give love?
How does eye contact make you feel?
Is there something that surprised you about me?
What is something we’ve talked about that surprised you?
What does it mean to turn time off?
Do you have a hard time falling asleep?
What do you think of when you fall asleep?
Are there certain things you think you can’t say out loud?
Are you bad at reading signs, or romantic queues?
Are you distracted lately?
What is making you distracted?
Have you ever reached out to an ex?
If not, have you ever considered it?
What does it mean to let go?
Are you nervous about re-opening old wounds from a past relationship?
What am I to you?
Was there anything about our trip that reminded you of a past one?
Was there any emotions or old feelings that were brought up?
What does it mean to be in love, or to fall in love?
Do you miss someone you used to love?
Whose mind would you like to walk around in?
What is one thing you hope I really see and understand about you?
What was your highlight last week, why it happened and why it matters to you?
What makes you feel loved?
What makes you feel supported?
What are things you cherish?
What strength do you most reflect on?
What was your lowlight last week?
What is something that challenged you? Either on your own, or in your partnership?
Do you have any bold requests (anything your heart desires)?
What does quality time look like to you?
What are your boundaries?
What do you want your boundaries to look like?
What does your safe space look like?
How do you find comfort or relief on bad days?
How are you most comfortable letting me know that you are out of balance?
How can I support you in taking care of yourself?
Who was there in taking care of you at your lowest moment?
What helps you feel more “you”?
When was a time you felt truly appreciated by a friend?
What’s on your bucket list?
Do your emotions get more intense at this time of year?
What do you like about the view?
What are some ways that you take care of yourself?
Do you like labels?
How do you approach a conflict with a friend?
How do you approach conflict with a partner?
What styles of communication do you favour the most?
What do you give vs. receive communication.
What are your objects of affection?
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